The marital relationship is a tug of war for power and control. When one member of the relationship is more dominant or doesn't permit the expression for the self or the other, the relationship will experience a halt in emotional growth of the individuals and the couple will begin to experience disappointment, fear, and worry. Anger will become the predominant emotion which will envelop the relationship leaving the couple with a sense of utter despair, confusion and just feeling hopeless.
At this point, many couples think about leaving the relationship because they just can't understand and work with the dynamics in the relationship and can't tolerate their conflicted feelings. The impulse to run away is paramount, but the reality is you can not run away from yourself. It is essential that you know what your part is in the relationship that makes it not work for you. When each member of the couple can face their inner feelings and behavior patterns and takes responsibility for their actions leaving the blame behind, the couple has the opportunity for the marriage or relationship to be repaired.
Questions and Statements That Will Help You Take Responsibility and Stop the Blaming
Suggestion: If you begin to blame the other for a problem, stop and ask yourself. "What is my part in making and continuing the problem." Use your energy to figure your part rather than accuse or criticize the other. Once you have figured your part inappropriate actions, share your thoughts and feelings with your partner and make the behavior changes.
The MOST IMPORTANT thing is to TALK. There's a thief in the house, and the child holds on to her teddy bear, that won't chase the thief away. Similarly, ignoring problems won't make everything OK. It's important to resolve them, talk about them.. and this is what will make the relationship grow. You'll soon realise you've come out of it stronger.